Friend or Foe
by KLMeri
Summary: Sequel to The Right-Hand Man. Whatever did happen to that pirate? Hilarity and general K/S/M-fluff. -COMPLETE
1. A Man of Trouble

**Title**: Friend or Foe (1/3)

**Author**: klmeri

**Pairing**: K/S/M

**Disclaimer**: My Valissan pirates, but not much else.

**Summary**: Sequel to The Right-Hand Man. Whatever did happen to that pirate?

* * *

**A Man of Trouble**

They have re-entered a lively part of the galaxy after a boring month of mapping an uncharted sector in the Alpha Quadrant. Jim is antsy for a piece of action. Bones is resigned that the Captain will probably find it—the dangerous kind. So he drives his medical staff crazy by demanding double and triple checks on the supplies in Sickbay. (There's always something missing when he really needs it). Only Spock is properly occupied with report-writing on interesting bits of data. ("It takes little to please you, Spock!")

As it so happens, the Enterprise turns the corner of a red moon and does run into trouble. What surprises the whole crew is that Doctor McCoy invites it onboard.

* * *

"Doctor McCoy, you have an incoming message."

"If it's from Starfleet, lose it en-route. They can't have my report until I'm good and ready to send it."

Uhura's voice is amused. "Len, I can't to do that. It's already _arrived_."

"How about en-route to my desk console? C'mon now, I'll remind Scotty that your birthday is in two weeks."

"It's not from Starfleet." There is the noise of quick button-punching. "It's from a… freighter?"

"Well, why didn't you just say so? Patch it through." Leonard leans over to switch the line, but Uhura says a little too loudly.

"Mark the date on the PADD that schedules the engine maintenance. He'll see it that way!" Leonard just shakes his head. He taps the blinking button on his console.

_Always on call, even for death by boredom_, he thinks dryly. There is a half-full glass of bourbon on the side table in his quarters. McCoy's sleep-shrouded brain was only partially functional when Uhura commed him; it's little better now. _Nothing a cup of real coffee couldn't fix. Damn replicators._

"McCoy, here." He doesn't quite garble the words.

"Doc-_tor_." The title is stressed just so in a way that has Leonard sitting up properly. Suddenly he wishes for vid. "Doctor McCoy." Despite that it is a year past, he remembers that voice in great pain (but still proud); it's a young voice, not yet fully guttural.

He throws the word out. "Charon?"

"Yes, Doctor. This line is not secure; I will be brief."

McCoy wants to say _Your father, is he alive?_ Charon saves him the trouble.

"I call on behalf of the Captain." He never refers to the man in any other way, even when he's dying. On Valis, rank takes precedence over familial ties.

"He survived that run-in with the Orions then?"

There is a pause on the line, as if Charon had not previously contemplated this scenario. "Yes, of course. Easily." _Orions are not match for Valissans._ This goes unsaid but heard nonetheless. "He lost his left eye. He bears it with honor."

_Jesus, I'll bet_. Captain Noreh, the space pirate—eye patch and all.

"What can do for you, Charon? I doubt this is a social call."

"Social? You are not a friend, McCoy."

_Yeah, just a man who saved your life._ "Well get to it already, boy, I haven't got that much time left before my shift starts." Leonard's lips press firmly together. He's irritated now.

"The Captain is in need of your Enterprise."

McCoy almost gapes at the little speaker. "You—you can't be serious!"

"I do not joke."

"Charon, you fool. I'm a doctor, not a charter service!"

"You work on this ship, no? You will tell your Captain—Kirk—to meet my freighter. I have dispatched our coordinates in a separate message. You will pick up the Captain from here."

McCoy comes to his feet in indignation. "Now hold on just a _damned_—"

"Doctor." Charon says the word so quietly, with such difficulty, that it gives McCoy pause. "You must come. I do not ask lightly." Valissans rarely ask. "It is against our way to work with your Federation."

"They might help you, if your need is dire."

"No, they would not. We are pirates, we are—" the word is too rough for McCoy, but he understands the sentiment behind it.

"I know," he sighs. "I wouldn't trust 'em either, were I in your business. Charon," he sits back down, heavily. "You need a ship?"

"We need transport on _your_ ship."

_Great. Just wonderful. Jim's gonna love this._

"We don't give out joy-rides. If it's to your next raid—" Or Heaven forbid, _for_ _political asylum_… Starfleet would have all their asses in a dilithum mine for the next fifty years.

"What is space travel without adventure, McCoy? I will not argue this point with you. I have no more time. You must speak with Kirk."

McCoy needs to know one last detail. "Does Noreh know that you've contacted me?"

"He demanded that I do so." Charon cuts communication.

_Damn, damn, damn!_ Leonard lets his head drop into his hands. The Valissans (who weren't that kind to him, until he proved his worth) would never surrender their own raider even if a space vacuum is sucking out the crew into the black void. Leonard is very sure of that fact so he can only conclude that this means there is more at stake than thievery and honor. Len feels a churning in his gut, the kind he gets when he watches Jim or Spock transport to a "safe" planet—and later come back full of bloody holes. (Yes, you _can_ get pitch-forked to death.)

His mind says _Go back to sleep, let it go_. His heart tells him that the Valissans are in serious trouble. They need him.

Now how is he going to convince the Captain and First Officer of this?

* * *

Unfortunately, it takes less convincing than Leonard calculates because, as he has so stupidly forgotten, Jim is _bored_. Therefore bored-Jim overrides common-sense-Jim (and Spock). His gut churns even worse when Noreh and Jim _shake hands_ and seem pleased to meet each other. Maybe it's because Captain Noreh compliments Captain Kirk on his fine war vessel; maybe it's because Captain Kirk compliments Captain Noreh on his leather eye-patch.

Spock looks at McCoy, tilts his head with _I am wary of this outcome _and Leonard cannot agree more.

* * *

Only five (agonizing) days with pirates aboard and the red alert sounds. Then the crew is flying to battle stations, and by the time Bones manages to snag a turbolift up to the Bridge, he's possibly side-swiped a few lieutenants. (New ones, must be, because anyone who has served on the Enterprise for more than six months knows Doctor McCoy's routine and kindly flatten themselves against the wall when he rushes by.)

He finds Jim clutching the arms of his chair but not with fear—it's to restrain his anticipation. Almost literally alongside him, in a second makeshift Captain's seat, is Noreh who looks just as eager as Kirk. The Valissan adjusts his eye-patch, leans over to whisper something in his 'friend' Captain's ear.

_Not again_, Bones thinks despairingly as an Orion raider glides towards the Enterprise. Uhura hails it with the usual (imminent) battle call, and they are lucky enough to get a response instead of a phaser blast.

Leonard furrows his brow at the screen, because damned if that Orion face isn't familiar! He looks to Spock, who has paused from evaluating the situation through his scope to also scrutinize this unknown yet memory-vague face. Jim observes the Orion for different reasons: he assesses challenge and possible weakness.

"I am Captain James T. Kirk—"

"Orion dogs!" Noreh breaks into Jim's speech. "We will cull you from your depraved ways!"

Jim looks momentarily nonplussed at the interruption, but since he is in a good mood, he gives in to amusement.

"This is the starship Enterprise."

_A fine ship, a good ship_, mutters Noreh while still glaring with one eye at his mortal enemy.

The Orion ignores Kirk in lieu of Noreh. "I always knew that Valissans were poor pirates, to be caught by Starfleet. How entertaining!"

Noreh leans back in his chair—all the leader now—and says with good humor. "The Valissans are smart enough to befriend a starship Captain. For _trade_ purposes, you understand." He turns to Kirk with a wink (that the Orion cannot see).

McCoy wants to slap Jim upside the head, because whatever is going here—_he's in on it _and hasn't shared this particular plan with either Bones or Spock.

The Orion says quite suspiciously, "What trade?"

Jim merely responds, "State your business in this sector."

"An Orion's _business_ is only for Orions—Captain."

Jim leans forward with that intent narrowed gaze that Bones recognizes too well. Leonard does not press a hand to his gut, though he wants to. Surprisingly, it is Spock who suspends this simmering confrontation by indicating to Jim that he wishes to speak. Kirk snaps back into place, turns his chair to address his First Officer (turns his back on the Orion pirate deliberately).

"What is it, Mr. Spock?"

"Captain, if I am correct, we have encountered this Orion before—ten months and five days ago, to be precise."

Bones sidles over to stand between them. "Spock, that's before we departed on the new five-year mission."

"Indeed."

Leonard makes the connection then, jerks but forces his body not to face Noreh. He says softly, "The Orion raider on the Sarron asteroid base." He meets Jim's eyes.

Captain Noreh (who has superb hearing like a Vulcan) says loudly, "Oh, is _that_ who you are? I admit, I had forgotten your ugly face, Orion. After all, I regularly defeat so many of you!"

"Liar!" screams the Orion Captain, who immediately makes stabbing-like motions at the screen with a long bony finger.

"LIAR?" Noreh roars and slams his fist down on the armrest (the chair shudders). "How DARE you call ME a liar! Orions suckle from the breast of dishonesty!"

"You, _you_—" The Orion is turning a strange color. "I challenge you to space combat! You Valissan—" The word is quite nasty.

The rage in the Valissan suddenly vanishes (dropped like a mask) and Captain Noreh gleefully accepts before anyone get _No!_ out.

"Board your puny Valissan vessel and prepare to die!"

The Valissan grins, swinging his chair (_left, right, left, right)_ like a kid awaiting his next treat.

"Oh but this _is_ my ship, at least temporarily. All that you see here…" Noreh gestures grandly at the bridge of the Enterprise. He smirks, the _poor fool _unsaid. "Captain Kirk, won't you be so kind as to demonstrate our warfare capabilities?"

The Orion is choking out words in the background as Kirk says "With pleasure" and orders "Arm photon torpedoes, Chekov."

Apparently the Orions realize the kind of trouble they have just fallen into—such a simple trap, really—and they are in warp-three before Kirk can fire on their much smaller ship.

"After them!" yells Noreh. He launches out of his chair at Sulu, growling and with a black scowl to rival Doctor McCoy's. If Sulu sinks a little into his seat, no one can blame him.

"Captain?" Sulu questions, switching between Kirk and Noreh. It's not readily apparent who he directly this title to. Kirk answers.

"Put her in warp-four, Sulu."

"Yes, Sir."

And so they are off on a merry chase across the stars—with Captain Noreh and his pirate brigade snarling and waving blasters all the way.

_Sweet Lord, I need a drink._ McCoy must have said it aloud, because most of the human crew around him nod zealously in agreement.

**Next part… The Doctor of War**


	2. The Doctor of War

**The Doctor of War**

"What's the matter with you, Jim? I, at least, had hopes for your sanity!" _But none for the pirate._

Jim pulls on his left boot. "Oh, Bones, you can't be that angry—"

"CAN'T I! SPOCK!"

Spock cracks open an eye from his meditation position. "Doctor, please. You are disrupting my—"

"GODDAMN YOU BOTH!" Leonard only increases his volume. (Wouldn't Captain Noreh be proud?)

Spock unfolds his arms and rises with a natural-born grace—one that Leonard secretly envies and takes a moment to appreciate (even amidst a conniption fit). Suddenly, Spock has that glint in his eye and Leonard wonders if maybe his envy isn't so secret after all. That darkens his scowl even more.

"Leonard," Spock's got that slight stress in his voice that indicates placating. "If you will only allow us to discuss the matter sensibly, perhaps we can delineate the reasons for Jim's… actions." With these words, Spock turns to observe his Captain, who is busy tying a new kind of knot that his new _buddy_—Leonard thinks sourly—has shown him.

"Jim! Quite fiddling with that blasted string! We're talking to you."

Kirk drops the laces with a sigh. "Okay, maybe it wasn't the best idea I've ever had—"

"Oh Lord! I swear to God—"

"Doctor, it is more accurate to say that you swear in the _name_ of your God. Quite frequently."

Leonard makes a sound like a boiling kettle. Jim bounces up from the bed and grabs Spock's arm, muttering something about _now you've done it, he's about to blow._

Spock opens his mouth to ask, presumably, about Leonard's imminent detonation when Bones launches himself on both of the retreating men with "Oh NO, you don't!"

There is a general onslaught of tumbling, grappling, and possible hair-pulling when Jim pins McCoy to the floor by sitting on him and Spock has scrambled (gracefully as he can, with that hand latched onto his tunic) out of harm's way.

Jim says so smugly "I win" that Leonard's red vision goes even _redder_ and so—inevitably—he bites on the nearest piece of Jim's flesh that he can. Kirk pitches off of him with a howl.

"Ow, _ow_. My finger! You BIT me!"

_Shit._ Leonard rolls over and tugs Jim's hand away from his mouth and examines the wound. If it can be called that… there's only a red indentation of teeth marks. "God, you baby." He throws the offending hand back at Jim and flops on the floor. Seriously, he's too damned old to be tussling like an adolescent. _They're both too old._ His back aches in five different places.

Spock asks, from a far corner, if both Jim and Leonard are unhurt. His tone indicates that if they aren't, he does not plan to do much about it. (He's a Vulcan with the two most childish Humans in the galaxy.)

Leonard cannot help himself. Somehow this situation has gone from bad to hysterical and he's choking on gasping laughter. When Jim peers down into his face with no small amount of concern, Leonard decides to pull him in for a kiss. Then it's a matter of detaching the Captain after that, which takes a good (enjoyable) five minutes.

Leonard gasps, "Why did I ever decide to forgive you, Jimmy?"

"I don't recall that you had a choice, Bones," he answers with a lazy grin. "Who can resist the allure of a Starfleet Captain?" Kirk hitches a thumb in Spock's direction. "Not even a Vulcan can!"

McCoy manages to sit up as their Vulcan passes by him. He automatically grabs a handful of Spock's trousers. "Where are you going?"

Spock looks down at them both with dark, gleaming eyes. "The Captain has just insulted my race. I thought that, perhaps, a demonstration of superior Vulcan—"

Bones rolls his eyes.

"—intellect is necessary. I am—as I believe your Human idiom says—leaving you to the wolf."

McCoy grins, tugs on the fabric in his hands. "It's _wolves_, Spock. Plural—wolves."

"Doctor, release my uniform."

It takes only a quick eyebrow raise at Jim to indicate _wanna help?_ and then they've got the Vulcan toppling into two sets of arms. "No can do, Spock." Jim announces. "We need you right _here_—with the wolves."

Leonard conveniently forgets why he was irate for the next hour or so.

* * *

Doctor McCoy remembers on his next shift why he should be pissed at Jim, because he finds Captain Noreh dancing an obscene (embarrassing) victory jig in front of the brig. The captive Orions are glaring back at the Valissan with tight mouths.

"What, in the name of all that's Holy, _are_ you doing?"

Noreh pauses with his leg in mid-air and somehow swivels to face the doctor. "I am demoralizing these Orion pigs." Leonard has discovered that Noreh takes great pleasure in referring to his enemies as "Human-raised livestock—perfect, no?" Next he'll be labeling the Federation as a flock of dumb sheep. _Which isn't necessarily slander… _McCoy doesn't finish that (traitorous but true) thought.

"Well, demoralize 'em on someone else's watch. I am required to check these _pigs_ over for the medical section of the debriefing."

Bringing his foot down with a small, ominous _boom_, Noreh bares his rows of teeth. The silent Valissan crew who've been shadowing the walls (McCoy hasn't noticed until now) step up behind their leader.

Len's got his hands in the air in an instant, in surrender. "Look, Captain, you are a guest on this ship—a welcome guest," Noreh snorts his appreciation, "but still a guest, nonetheless. Let me do my job—and you can go back to your… performance, alright?"

"I will permit this interlude."

McCoy mumbles a reply that he's wise enough not to say coherently or loudly.

"Jim, when I see you next…"

That threat, at least, he can pleasingly voice; he does so in a thick Southern drawl that has one particularly demented Valissan space pirate hooting in delight.

* * *

"I miss Christine," Leonard announces as he plops down in the nearest chair in the Captain's quarters. (Why does he always end up here? Right, he sleeps with the Captain now.)

"The Enterprise's medical facilities are competently staffed; we do not require another fully licensed physician such as Dr. Chapel."

"Ever logical, you green-blooded hobgoblin. Doesn't that get old?"

"Old? Perhaps you can clarify your meaning, Doctor."

"Never mind," he says with severe depression. Spock is not yet convinced of McCoy's anguish; he merely raises an eyebrow. "What I'm saying is… I miss Christine 'cause she was the only sane person to _ever_ grace the Enterprise! Besides myself, of course."

Spock makes no comment.

Leonard gets to the point. "Jim's a fool and we're fools too, for letting him be foolish."

"We do not 'let' the Captain, Doctor."

"You mean we don't have a say in any of his crazy ideas."

"On the contrary, we often temper his impulsive actions."

This makes Leonard smile, because damned if it isn't true. Jim needs them—he won't forget that.

McCoy sits up from his slump. "I should have never agreed to tell Kirk about the Valissans' 'request for transport.'"

Spock comes to stand beside his knee, solid and practical as ever. "I recall that you were not given the opportunity to choose. Should you have denied their demand for boarding the Enterprise, it may have escalated into a difficult—and dangerous—situation for our crew."

"They didn't really threaten me, Spock."

The Vulcan's eyes are serious, then. "Did they not harm you in the past?"

"Yes…" McCoy trails off, refuses to rub at the sudden tinge in his back.

"Then you are aware of their vicious nature, despite the front they present."

"…You don't like them, do you, Spock?"

"I am wary of any species that commits an act of violence without provocation." _I dislike them for hurting you_, he means and Leonard hears that well enough beneath the actual words.

"Yeah, well. Jim is enamored of Noreh."

Spock's voice holds an imperceptible lilt that contains vestiges of amusement from his human-half. "The Captain is also adept at masking his true feelings. While I do not doubt that he takes illogical joy in this 'pirate hunting,' I also know that he has spoken with Captain Noreh pertaining to your treatment—of the past and of the future."

McCoy has no words because Spock just admitted that Jim has played his protector to a band of sharp-toothed, slightly uncivilized rogues. He imagines Jim waving them into a conference room for an 'admirable talk' and then turning a shark's smile on them all. (They've never faced a man like James T. Kirk.) If it sends a shiver up his spine, he cannot say whether it's in fear or delight.

(And if it warms the cockles of his heart, he lets the ember smolder just below the surface.)

Slowly he reaches out with his fingertips; Spock never hesitates to return the kiss. It's a _thank you_ and _I love you _in one simple gesture.

_Maybe the Vulcans are on to something after all._

* * *

Armed with new knowledge, Doctor McCoy corners Captain Noreh as he comes out of the mess hall. McCoy grins, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and says, "Accompany me, good Captain. I have need of your Almighty wisdom."

"Ah, of course, Doctor." A hand slaps his shoulder much too hard, but he pays it no mind.

_C'mon, then. _

McCoy matches his stride to Noreh's and they pace down the corridor. Behind his back, Leonard surreptiously checks a hypospray and slips it up his sleeve. He's all smiles, which seems to please the Valissan captain.

"We were wondering, you know, since we have a stake in your… presence aboard our vessel—"

Noreh turns on him, grinning. "Do you enjoy working your way to a point?"

McCoy raises his eyebrow. "Why are you here, Noreh? What is it that we're going to provide you besides transport, food, and _pleasant _hospitality?"

"Ah. Very good," he says as if approving of a student's response. "I appreciate a direct man, McCoy. From this alone, I may answer your questions."

McCoy replies, "Oh I think you will." And stabs a hypo full of sedative right into the Valissan arterial vein that runs around the top of the left shoulder (he double-checked that).

The pirate has a tight grip on his wrist—only for a moment—and begins to waver on his feet. He utters (again), "V-very good" before collapsing in an undignified heap.

McCoy presses the wall-comm for Security. He then meets the gaze of the Captain and First Officer, who've been waiting around the corridor turn. Leonard reports, "One Valissan, served just how you like it."

Jim barks out a laugh and squeezes McCoy's arm, smiling. "Excellent work, Bones. Shall we prepare the interrogation room?"

* * *

Captain Noreh's grumpiness upon awakening to shackles is predictable. But he falls short of their expectations spectacularly by blinking open his one eye and bursting into laughter.

Spock, who is playing interrogator, acknowledges this response with his usual calm façade. "I fail to understand the humor of your situation, Sir."

_Guess Vulcan training comes is handy for something_, McCoy thinks as he watches from the sidelines. _Never'll tell Spock that, though._

"I find your gall quite funny, First Officer _Spock_."

The Vulcan's eyebrow goes up. "Indeed, it appears so. May I inquire why?"

"You are pirates at heart, you prove such to me." He raises his shackled wrists and shakes them, chuckling at the _clank-clank_.

"We are military-trained. It is necessary to understand how to effectively disarm and disable an enemy in battle."

"Yes, yes! Battle! Tell me, you Vulcan, what is it we battle for, hmmm? What will I get if I am victor?" Noreh relaxes into his seat. "KIRK!" he hollers. "Kirk, tell me what my prize will be!"

"Jim," McCoy whispers. "Just let him talk. He's captured, and he knows it."

Jim relaxes under McCoy's hand. "I'll give Spock ten minutes before I'm going in there—crazy space pirate or not."

"Alright." There is not much McCoy can effectively argue about at this point. He turns his attention back to the on-going banter of questions. Noreh seems intent on talking in circles, Spock just as smoothly straightens them into lines. Both are sharp, and both are relentless.

McCoy feels a headache forming behind his eyes after listening to them for a full three minutes. Kirk looks a little pained too.

"I think Spock could use another ten or so," Leonard suggests. Jim nods too quickly and heads for the door.

"How about we check on our Security Chief… see how he's faring with the other captives."

The door slides shut and there is the refreshing sound of quiet.

Jim and Leonard love Spock dearly, for all his Vulcan heart, but it is times like these when they are relieved to remove themselves from the line of fire. A Vulcan will debate a man to death (to say nothing of stamina), and then his corpse, no doubt. Even Leonard knows when to throw in the towel, but he has a sneaking—and happy—suspicion that Captain Noreh does not.

* * *

"Of all the _absurd_— What does he expect _us_ to do about it?"

"I noted in multiple insistences during my conversation with the Valissan Captain that his thought process is highly illogical." In other words, Spock is saying that he hasn't a clue why the pirate thinks they will help his situation.

Jim looks pensive, as if he is almost considering this cause. "Bones, the man is disowned of his livelihood."

"Yeah… AS A PIRATE! I'd say that's cause for celebration, Jim."

"But—"

"Lord, you can't be serious! The man _tortures _people and steals supplies from subsidized colonies!"

"Well, I know how I would feel if Starfleet had stripped me of my ability to be a Captain."

"Not the same thing."

"I agree with the Doctor, Jim. Noreh is notorious for his unlawful—and unethical—escapades. As I recall informing you, we _are_ harboring a criminal of the Federation which violates Reg—"

McCoy wants to throw his hands up in the air at them both. Instead, he turns on his heel and marches out of the Captain's ready-room. Let them argue over this ridiculous thing. He's got a word or two for that crazy Valissan.

* * *

Doctor McCoy shoves Security out of the room with a "He's chained to the chair, I'll be _fine_. Now get!"

"How magnanimous of you to visit me during my unmerited incarceration, McCoy." There is a glittering eye fixed on him.

"We've got business to discuss, you and me. Now," he pulls out a chair opposite of Noreh, "tell me exactly _why _we—Starfleet officers _sworn to justice_—should help a lunatic scoundrel like yourself."

"Simple. I am Valissan. It is my destiny to sail the sea of space and strike fear into the hearts of lawful men like yourself."

Leonard doesn't accuse _You've been researching Terran history!_ because Noreh would either confirm that he is just that damned quixotic, or Leonard might incidentally inspire more insanity in the Valissan's habits. Last thing he needs is a space pirate in leather AND spurs.

"I don't see the connection here. If anything, you are arguing _my_ case."

For once, the Captain is silent. Then he says, in a normal voice (still deep and slightly creepy), "The crew I brought with me are the last of those loyal to my leadership. The other—" he pauses to spit an indelicate word, "mutinied with the High Regent of our Piracy Guild and stole my ship." He unfolds his fists flat, the chains making a soft _chink_ against the steel table. "I am still a Captain, McCoy, but what good is a Captain without his ship? With no fellow Valissans who say his name in reverence and awe? They no longer speak of me; I am stricken from the only world I know as a soul is wrenched from the body in Death. My existence is purpose-less."

Leonard really wants to put his head down and weep hysterical tears. Coming here was a bad idea; he actually feels sorry for this man—one who knowingly ordered his whipping with an uncaring wave of his hand. Is Leonard truly this messed up—to sympathize with the enemy? To _feel_ anything but hate for the enemy?

He is stuck between a rock and a hard place—his Hippocratic oath. Jim is right, of course, because this Valissan suffers as much as Admiral Kirk did bound to the Earth. His nature is denied. On the other hand, McCoy realizes that to allow a mad-man back into a business that _harms_ others…

"Well, Doctor, what words have you for me?"

Leonard looks Noreh in the eye and says, "We _can_ help you, but we won't—unless you agree to a few of our terms first."

Now Noreh eyes him warily. "And what terms are those?"

Suddenly, Noreh isn't all that intimidating to Len. He's vulnerable and in _need_. McCoy leans back, smiles genuinely for the first time since the start of his day. "We're going to rearrange how you conduct your pirate business, Captain."

McCoy is far from a heartless man, but he plans to win this particular war.

* * *

**Last part… One Ship of Surprise**

* * *

**Note: If I persist in writing in this particular pirate-landen universe of mine, I am going to need a name for it. My brain is stumped. Any suggestions?**


	3. One Ship of Surprise

**Damn space pirates. I don't think I said that loud enough. DAMN SPACE PIRATES! Here I am, with a nice little story, all properly planned and WHAM! THEY STOLE THE PLOT! Seriously. Captain Noreh had to instigate a whole mess of trouble and demand more story—which I didn't think feasible until phaser-wielding pirates started running rampant all over my work. **

**So, in conclusion, make a cup of tea and settle in to possibly waste the next few minutes of your life on selfish characters. I'm sorry. Deeply sorry. *sigh***

* * *

**One Ship of Surprise**

Bones is bound, gagged, and not at all happy. He stumbles to his feet from where a Valissan dropped him, and glares at any who come near. Then there's not much choice but to comply with the sharp forward tug—he's leashed like a dog, and probably expected to grovel like one too.

Captain Noreh strides through the lofty chambers shouting at the top of his lungs. "I bring bounty for all! Behold, a Starfleet doctor!"

Leonard denies the instinctive eye-roll, and sticks to looking the part of a captive. (_Damn, why do I always get the crappy roles?_) He makes a terrible damsel in distress—with fierce blue eyes and a dark scowl.

The rag (it's pretty dirty—for show, Jim said) in his mouth muffles his cursing as a group of Valissans surround him, curious. God, what a frightening sight—McCoy is thankful that he has a margin of trust in Noreh. Someone prods him in the chest; another in the leg with something cold. (_Is that a sword?_)

There is a truly ugly Valissan on a stone slab (like a throne)—complete with a ragged scar cutting across his face and a gaudy scepter in his left hand. The High Regent—it could be no other—uses it as a pointing stick, which is currently aimed directly at McCoy. The rumble comes from his mouth, says, "What is this mongrel! He's filthy! A Starfleet doctor, you say? BAH!"

Captain Noreh stops in front of the throne, making a grand sweeping bow like a courtier (trailing leather straps from his hair—it's absurd). "Ah, but he is genuine enough! I have proof! Behold…"

Charon steps forward from a dark corner.

"My son is HEALED!"

Leonard is shaking with laughter on the inside as several Valissans make grunts of denial and barks of surprise. One grabs Charon by the chin, as if to inspect for signs of illness, like boils or blotches, and Charon easily breaks the man's hold and snaps at him.

The lesser Valissan backs away, but nods his affirmation to the High Regent.

"Hmm… So this—doc-_tor_, he is valuable. Will he cure my club foot?" The pirate lifts high the most awkwardly deformed appendage Bones has ever seen. (_Hell no, impossible!_ _At best, it could be sawed off.)_

"Perhaps he could. But I have another proposition—a wiser, _wealthier_ one."

This High Regent seems to forget his initial outrage at Noreh's presence and noisy orders to destroy the rogue Pirate of pirates. There had been a minute or two when Leonard was sure that they would be phaser-obliterated before they ever set foot in this cave. (And a cave it is, indeed—on the home planet of Valis, a dark, stagnate swamp of a planet. _No wonder Valissans prefer space_.) "Go on."

"I will, on one condition—" Noreh pauses for effect. "Once I have explained the merits of such a hostage, and you accept my plan, you will return my ship—"

High Regent's curious look turns into something meaner.

"—_and_ my status in the Guild."

"Never! You are a _Bljorek_ slug in my dinner. I make no such deals!"

The Captain merely nods appreciatively, turns on his heel, proceeds to stuff the doctor under his arm and drag him in the direction of an exit. "Then this Starfleet doctor—and the loot of an entire starship—will be mine!"

There is a scrambling behind them. "Wait!" Someone grabs the back of McCoy's tunic and he's swung around to an up-close-and-personal encounter with the High Regent. "How does this little Human warrant a starship? Tell me!" He shakes McCoy like a rattle (who almost kicks his shins).

"You know of the Starfleet's flagship _Enterprise_, yes?"

A litany of shouts and howls rise into a den of chaos. McCoy barely makes out the several _Kirk_'s through the noise, but it's enough to create nervous cramping in his gut. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, because they surely know about Jim; and by the sound of things—wish nothing more than to defeat the Great Kirk in a blaze of glory and wide-spread destruction. When he gets out of this mess, Noreh's gonna be on the business-end of an unpleasant hypo.

The High Regent's eyes are lit with an unnerving fire. "You can get me the _Enterprise_?"

Noreh bares both rows of upper-teeth in a grin. "This is Doctor McCoy, the Captain's—" It sounds how he means it. Noreh has just called him the Valissan-equivalent of Kirk's bitch. "And Kirk will come for him, I give you my word."

The Valissan drops McCoy like he's just discovered how diseased the Human must be. "Are you sure? How will we defeat the Enterprise?"

It's then that Noreh scoffs at the High Regent, turns to address their attentive audience. "We are VALISSANS! Defeat is not _our_ word, it is the _coward's _word!" There are multiple growls (Valissan cheers?) and phaser-waving around the room. Noreh takes to his role like a duck to water. "Man your raiders, my brothers-in-arms! We go to WAR! We will take our new starship and sail straight to Heaven itself!"

Leonard doubts any of the Valissans are even following this nonsensical speech of Noreh's; they seem to like the loudness of his voice and the proud bearing of his stance.

_Damn._ McCoy swivels his head to watch Noreh slapping random shoulders and punching the air with his fist. _Jim, Spock, I hope to Hell you're prepared… _

Because the Enterprise is about to meet a _horde_ of blood-thirsty space pirates.

* * *

"Uhura, any communication from Noreh yet?"

"No, Sir. All's silent."

Jim frowns and turns slowly in his chair to face the bridge screen. It is, in fact, very blank except for the rolling pace of stars. He faces the science station. "Spock—"

"Negative, Captain."

The words are almost too sharp for the Vulcan, and Jim's frown deepens. "Spock, we'll get McCoy back. You know that, don't you?"

Spock faces him then, and says, "It was illogical to let him go."

"But we couldn't implement the plan any other way!"

"Illogical, dangerous, and _foolish_, Captain." Wow, those are the most accusations Spock has ever made of Jim in one sentence. (It's unsettling.) The other crew members are looking down at their consoles, because all feel a tad bit awkward at the admonishment (and anger?) in Spock's voice.

"Sulu, take the conn." Kirk is out of his chair and nodding at Spock. "Spock, with me." When Spock does not automatically obey, the Captain half-snaps, "We will continue this discussion in _private_, Mr. Spock."

They both move stiff-legged into the turbolift. Once the doors slide shut, Jim turns on his lover. "I thought that we all agreed on this plan!"

Spock stares, not at Jim, but at the wall. "I voiced my opinion on the matter of the Doctor's participation."

"And I explained then, as I _just_ said, it's the only way to get this to work successfully. Spock." Kirk forces Spock to look at him. "I wouldn't have let Bones go if I didn't think he would be okay."

The Vulcan sigh is a grievous matter. "There is no method to predict circumstances, Jim."

"I know that. But we can manipulate those that we are aware of—and this is how we'll keep him safe." Jim holds up a device for Spock to take. "I attached a beaming locator inside the collar of his shirt. Scotty can track him and have him back on the Enterprise in a matter of seconds."

"Fascinating… and the proper precaution." If Jim reads his Vulcan correctly, and he usually does, Spock is less angry and more apologetic.

It brings a smile to Jim's face. He lightly skims the Vulcan's cheek with the back of his knuckles. "I love our doctor as much as you do, Spock. As much as I love you. I hope you never forget that."

Spock's eyes are dark with promise. "I will not."

* * *

They are not quite pacing in the ready-room when Uhura comms with "It's Noreh, Captain!"

"Tell him to hold. I'm on the way!" Jim is out the door with Spock on his heels. They arrive on the bridge in record time. Kirk is barely seated as he orders Uhura to put the Valissan on-screen. "Game faces, people," he says firmly and quietly.

And the show is on.

"This is Captain Kirk of the starship Enterprise."

"Well-met, Captain. I am Captain Noreh of the _Scavenger_, the finest Valissan raider this side of the galaxy. I believe that we have business to discuss."

Kirk fills his voice with anger. "Where is Doctor McCoy?"

"Hmm…" Captain Noreh is intrigued, if his tone is any indication. "A doc-_tor_, you say? Where?"

Kirk slams his fist down on his armrest (in an eerie imitation of Noreh) and demands, "No games! Return Doctor McCoy to this ship and I won't reduce your vessel to ash."

There is excited chattering behind Noreh, who turns away for a moment and laughs something (quite smugly). When his attention is once again on Captain Kirk, he says simply, "We have McCoy. We will return him unharmed if you agree to vacate your ship—"

Kirk barks with laughter. "_Vacate! _You expect me to vacate an entire starship? And where?" He gestures his disgust. "On _your _home-world—Valis, that stinking cesspool of a planet? You must take me for a fool." He leans forward, menacing. "I promise,_ Captain_, that I am no fool. You have ten minutes to beam my Doctor aboard. Kirk, out."

Uhura cuts the line at his signal.

For a moment, there is only silence on the bridge. And then someone's deep sigh of relief breaks the atmosphere. Kirk slumps back, rubbing a hand over his face. "Next phase, Mr. Spock?"

"Next phase, Captain," the First Officer agrees.

* * *

"I say we attack now!" There is a chorus of agreement from the communications console, which is linked in conference mode to ten other armed Valissan pirate vessels. (They loom at a distance, around the far-side of Valis. McCoy shudders to think about them, waiting like predators.)

Noreh commands "Hold your positions!" as if he is the High Regent himself. The Valissan High Regent (his name is grotesquely unpronounceable) sits silently to their right, whether in contemplation or indecision, they cannot know until he speaks.

Leonard doesn't meet anyone's eyes. He looks cowed and miserable; on the inside, he is pissed beyond compare. He had a moment where he thought Noreh wasn't going to step in and stop the other Valissans from taking a metal-tipped whip to his back (reminiscent of that year ago) and had real fear (and hate) in his heart; then Captain Noreh caught the drawn-back arm, breaking it—which surprised McCoy—and tossing the whip aside. He lit into the rest of the crew in a vicious vitriol that mostly had them slinking away. What Leonard would have given to have understood those words (they might come in handy some day). He had to be satisfied with the skin on his back and the Valissans' new respect for personal space.

Finally, the High Regent speaks. What he says, though, is so idiotic that Leonard wants to repeatedly brain the Valissan against a bulkhead.

"We fight to the death!"

Noreh obviously thinks he is a quite the fool too, because he snorts out, "And how shall we accomplish our deaths? Quickly or slowly? Imbecile!"

The High Regent looks taken back. "By the code, Noreh, as our ancestors fought—one-on-one combat!"

The Captain swings angrily in his chair at the sheer affront to Valissan intellect. "Such a starship as the Enterprise has a hundred times the warfare capacity! I know this; I have studied this."

McCoy's eyes go wide. Hell, that's what he'd been doing with Scotty. He thought that they were sharing Romulan ale and tall-tales. _Oh shit._

"You might as well present Kirk your throat and be done! No, no the old ways will not do at all. We must be innovative, we must be cunning…"

"NO!" The High Regent lurches out of his chair and hollers for all to hear (_and probably the Enterprise too_—McCoy sourly rubs at his ear). "I am High Regent! I am ruler of each—one—of—you—miserable—curs! I say TO THE DEATH!"

Noreh looks calm now. He holds up a hand to still the shouting. "Then, High Regent, may I suggest that you be the first to engage in battle?"

The Valissan snarls at that, wrenches at the phaser strapped to his side. McCoy is about to duck for cover, when Noreh stands tall and meets his enemy with his one good eye.

"Are you a coward, then?" he asks politely.

"I am no coward, you traitor! You are the fool, for all to see—you whore the old ways—"

"I improve our chance of survival in the modern age."

"—and scrounge for scraps left by the Federation—"

"Supplies to sustain our people, our way of life."

"—and lose valuable weapons of war!"

"Ah," Noreh says somewhat satisfactorily. "Now, we come to the heart of the matter. I had wondered if you knew…"

"You bring shame to our Guild, Noreh, by mucking up such a chance—when we could have the entire galaxy at our feet, begging for mercy!"

McCoy is feeling pretty damned lost at this moment, as he barely follows the whiplash of conversation.

Noreh does not face Leonard, but he almost assuredly says over his shoulder, "My deal with the two-faced fiend, a killer of thousands!"

The blood is draining from Leonard's head as he realizes… Weston. This is about Weston and the deal gone sour for the biological warfare Weston was concocting. (Which devastated a colony of simple farmers—and lead to the deaths of Len's colleagues—a horrible nightmare he still has at night, when he sleeps alone.) Somehow, the High Regent has discovered their (failed) attempt. He's livid that the Valissans do not have_ a weapon of mass destruction_. He blames Noreh; he makes Noreh suffer the consequences.

If Leonard had a phaser in his hand, he'd shoot this Valissan dead. (At least, he likes to imagine that he would.) What the creature wants is so far beyond acceptable—so _malicious_ and _wrong_—that Leonard can hardly think.

The two proud Valissan pirates are still arguing sides. They toss around words like honor and weakness, disease and battle. Which is the lesser evil? To slowly suck the life out of a man or cook his innards by phaser blast? Which is the work of a pirate, and which is the work of a killer? Are they one and the same?

Leonard can take no more of this. He explodes. "You both have NO GOD-DAMNED SOULS—" A Valissan slams his fist into McCoy's jaw. He pitches into a console, head spinning. There are hands on his crooked arms bound behind his back, righting his balance and voices coming and going that are just too garbled to understand.

Then Noreh is in his line of sight, pats his face. "McCoy, you are not necessarily wrong."

"Cut out his tongue—" The Captain shoves a boot into the High Regent's middle, throwing him and his unsheathed knife to the floor. The Valissan lands with a curse (a cry) and goes still.

McCoy is already wrenching out of Noreh's hands because, as a doctor, his sixth sense kicks in. When he rolls the Valissan over, it's to the sight of the knife buried in his chest.

Leonard can almost hear Captain Noreh's eyebrows rise—though he can't particularly recall that Valissans have eyebrows.

There's little to say except "He's dead."

* * *

Kirk actually curses (like McCoy would) and barely suppresses the urge to kick at the communications board. It's been over an hour and a half with no signal, comm, or blast to indicate the state of affairs. His instinct says that their plan has just been ditched by a certain untrustworthy pirate Captain. Which matters little to him except for…

_Bones._

He's sent Doctor McCoy into a precarious situation with a man who has shown no great love for the doctor in the past. He has possibly sent Leonard to his death.

Jim is on the verge of comm-ing to Scotty to beam Bones back _right now_ when Uhura's fingers fly over her console and the bridge screen crackles to life.

It's McCoy.

It's McCoy on the screen, in a Captain's chair.

_(Is that a bruise?) _

"B—Doctor McCoy!" Jim catches himself in time. He cautiously lowers himself into his chair. "Are you alright?"

Leonard must pick up on the concern in Jim's voice, understand that it isn't feigned in the least. Jim feels Spock at his back—is glad, relieved. Together, they can rescue Bones—if he'll only give the word.

"Jim." Bones drawls the name and smiles. "You wouldn't believe the situation over here."

"I—I'm sure. Just—Captain Noreh?"

"Captain Kirk, you will now address me as High Regent."

There are a few gasps around Jim, but he pays no mind. Only narrows his eyes. "Will you be returning my doctor?"

Noreh grins, places first one hand on McCoy's left shoulder and then lowers his other hand to the right shoulder. "I may consider… a trade."

Okay, this is definitely_ not_ part of the plan.

Jim is no longer curious, only impatient. "You will return him to the Enterprise, Noreh. I won't warn you again."

The Valissan laughs heartily. "No."

And that's it. Jim is not Jim any longer. He is _Jimmy_, _Jim-boy_—McCoy's _Jim_—and mad as Hell. "Chekov!" he snaps. "Arm the weapons systems. ALL OF THEM!"

"On it, Keptin!"

He smacks a button on the left armrest, and the Red Alert is blaring. Uhura opens up the inter-ship comm and Kirk says in an almost icy voice, "Man battle stations. This is not a drill. Kirk, out."

He faces off with Noreh, one warrior to another. "You had your chance." He cuts communication.

A quick comm to Scotty, who is standing by in the transporter room. "Transport McCoy."

"Aye, Captain."

Then he turns to look at Spock and sees something reflected back at him, something he is sure is on his own face. It might be anger; it might be ruthlessness. It is most certainly determination.

* * *

Bones isn't on the bridge. Jim comms Scotty again, who assures him that Doctor McCoy did indeed "beam-out from right under those Valissan noses, Captain." Apparently, Bones had run off yelling that he'd be damned if everyone in the galaxy lost their heads.

And still did not come to the bridge.

"Spock! Locate McCoy!"

"Captain, I have already done so. He is in the Security sector, Level 20." There is a pause. "At the brig."

Jim only has a moment to look surprised before an ensign is calling. "Captain! Captain!"

"Lietenuant, report!"

"Sir, the Orions! Security reports that the Orions have escaped… _and beamed aboard their raider?_" Crew mouths are dropping, because it is very apparent now what Doctor McCoy is up to—he's releasing a decoy.

Then there is no more time to contemplate this phenomenon because the communications console is buzzing to life. Noreh is furious—if his color is anything to go by—and he demands to have his prisoner back.

Kirk says quite honestly, "He's eluding us too."

This momentarily stumps the Valissan. Then he finally notices that McCoy is _not _on the bridge. Noreh's expression possibly lightens a notch or not. "A man like McCoy is hard to catch, no?"

Jim does not quite smirk. "You could say that."

"Well, Captain Kirk, I suppose we must settle this as only two men of war can. I chall—" His next words are interrupted by the _boom_ of "High Regent!" from the left. "Yes, yes. What is—_Orions_… ORIONS!" He faces Kirk again with a gleam in his (non-patch-hidden) eye. "Clever. Oh so very clever."

He instantly shouts out random commands to his crew, who can be seen busily scurrying in the background. Then with a final swivel to the lesser-priority—this Kirk of the Enterprise—he grins, big and toothy. "Kirk—my friend, my foe. Until we meet again."

"Frankly, I hope we don't. But if we do—" Kirk's got his shark-smile in place.

"Yes," the Valissan pirate agrees. "We shall battle."

* * *

Leonard is surprised that the Captain doesn't immediately dress him down for his, quite admittedly, foolish deed. But, damn it, what else can a man do to prevent casualties? Distraction always works well for Leonard; he is a master of distraction.

But it shocks him that Jim simply pulls him into a tight embrace and runs a heavy hand over his hair. "Jim?" He wants to be sure that this is really James T. Kirk—man of action, man of passions.

"It's alright, Bones. I'm just glad that you are okay."

"You aren't angry?"

"Should I be?" Jim looks at him hard.

"Well now, I would say—no. Definitely no. 'Cause I'd do the same thing again, if I had to."

Jim just smiles, nods.

Leonard leans in to his touch. No other words are necessary between them.

* * *

Three days. Three whole days of pirate-free bliss. McCoy lounges haphazardly in a chair, a swinging leg over the armrest, mulling over a PADD. Spock is in his meditation robes and far off in Vulcan-land. Jim, well, is due to arrive any minute. Beta shift is ending and the Captain can come home.

Later they will meet with Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty to plan Uhura's surprise birthday party. If Scotty mentions a lately arrived case of Romulan ale as party refreshments, McCoy will marvel over their good fortune. And the Chief Engineer might reply, "Aye, strange isn't? She was packed up nicely in the corner of a cargo unit."

"Interesting," Spock will mutter.

"M'buddy at the dock was a wee bit wild-eyed—if ya ken my meaning—when we picked up our supplies. Said it was a special package, come by freighter." If McCoy, Kirk, and Spock stare at Scotty too intently, he won't notice. "Now who'd leave a fine case o' ale like that for the likes of us?"

_Who indeed?_

_-Fini_

* * *

**Oh, and did I mention that they almost stole McCoy too? I barely managed to stop them in time. This old gal has got to rest her fingers now. They've been formerly possessed and only recently returned by the good Captain Noreh. :) (Yes, there are purposefully open-ended conjectures... like will Noreh keep his side of the deal and follow McCoy's Pirate Reformation Act? That's for you to decide.)**


End file.
